she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
