how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
