How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
