I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
