Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
