I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
