ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
