i don't like sucking hair
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Operation Purity has been aborted
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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