and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
