ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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