yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
