Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
