I just threw up on my dentist
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
