i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
