Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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