okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
