Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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