even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
