I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
