can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
