Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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