omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
