his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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