My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
