First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
