I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so let's talk penis.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
