Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
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If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
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Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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