I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We need to rekindle our bromance
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
