Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.