We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
