the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
