escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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