i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
