Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!