If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he puts the penis in happiness.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.