I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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