last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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