When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
