Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
