I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
