Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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