that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
