I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
