apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
