You're so nebulous sometimes
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
