We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
