Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
