i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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