im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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