Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
