Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
