You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects