...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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