its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
