Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
