I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
