I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
