Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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