You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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