i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
