dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
