I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
