He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
