it was like eating out sand paper
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
