before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
