I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Green mimosas i think yes
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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