what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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