a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
