I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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