You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
