So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
