i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
