So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
