something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
