I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
