I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
