I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
