My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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