I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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