Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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