we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
