Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
