when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
