You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
