I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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