I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
