I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I met the friendliest cop last night
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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