we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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